Why I Hate Christmas

tree.gifWell, here we are again…December…my least favorite month.  I can’t stand it.  Well, I’m finally going to do something about it.  I’m going to publish the Top Ten reasons I can think of to hate Christmas.  You better watch out–I might convert you too!!

1. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I am lazy and Christmas calls for my hardest work.   Anyone knows that it is the busiest time of year for a music pastor.  Between the kids program, the school program, and the church programs, I am stuck in hyper-drive until I collapse in a heap on my bed on December 25th.  I’m sure Jesus never meant for me to work this hard to promote His cause, did he? 

2. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I am selfish and Christmas forces me to focus on others.  Finally, after a long period of work, I get a needed break and I still can’t focus on myself!  Come on, already!!  Can’t I just ignore the rest of the world for a couple weeks?

3. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I am greedy and Christmas calls me to be generous.  Why spend my hard-earned money on the well-being of others when I could get DirecTV installed?  And even then, who knows how people will use the money I give them!!  They’ll probably just spend it on booze and cigarettes.

4. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I want to entertain myself and Christmas demands meditation on the incarnation of Jesus Christ.  I don’t know about you, but meditation is hard work and takes large amounts of time.

5. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I despise change while Christmas claims my home atmosphere.   With candles and garlands and wreaths and stockings to be put up and a tree to be bought and adorned with lights and ornaments, this season forces me to move furniture, stand on ladders, and hang things on walls–none of which I think profitable for a few short weeks, do you?! 

6. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I like to be HOME when I’m home; Christmas, on the other hand, suggests I have a jovial spirit of community within my neighborhood.  I even make myself do Christmas parties where my neighbors come to MY HOUSE to spend time together talking about the season.  So much for peace and quiet!!!

7. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I have a newspaper route.  Every Sunday from Thanksgiving to Christmas brings in the most massive paper you can imagine for me to collate, bag and deliver to nearly 400 homes in sub-zero temperatures.  Sure, it helps provide for my family, but it would be a lot easier without this “season”!

8. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I’m a serious-minded guy and Christmas encourages imagination, playfulness, and excitement…especially in my children.  I don’t need my 3-year-old jumping on me while I am digesting a profound PBS documentary!  Sobriety is a key to Christian living, isn’t it?

9. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I am proud–proud of my education, proud of my accomplishments, proud of my social status.  Christmas reminds me that I needed help desperately, that my sin was great enough to require a sacrifice from God Himself.  Humility is not a virtue I often display and strive to achieve.  Christmas is humbling.

10. I HATE CHRISTMAS because I am a man of peace and Christmas incites division!  How, you may ask?  Well, you think the KJV-controversy is bad–wait until you begin to look into the Messiah controversy.   Which edition is the purest, the best?  Is it Oxford, Peters, Bärenreiter, or Novello?  Which edition is preserved properly?  (By the way, it’s Novello)

Well, there you have it.  Ten Reasons to Hate Christmas.  Of course, there’s another way to look at this whole article as well…

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Re: Messiah Controversy — Brian, I’m fine with whatever as long as they use period instruments!

    They could even use modern instruments if they would just do the whole thing! I can’t stand it when they only do the “Christmas portion.” That’s what I hate.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Lyn Marshall on December 4, 2006 at 9:41 pm

    Hey, whadda you mean, you hate Christmas? I bet you’re not even the McCrorie in your household who has to figure out the perfect Christmas present for everyone, buy it, and wrap it!! 🙂

    ‘Sides, we all know that the music director isn’t the one who has all the work in preparing the special Christmas music–all he has to do is wave his hands! I’m sure, just for example, that he doesn’t work nearly as hard as the accompanists. 🙂

    On a (much) more serious note, I know what you mean. Trying to fit various home, ministry, and Christmas responsibilities in between homeschooling is leaving me feeling rather frantic this year. . . .

    Off to revive my Christmas spirit with our recording of The Messiah (the complete version :)), not to mention my new CD of The Magnificat that is on its way. (Merry Christmas to me!!!)

    Reply

  3. Posted by Joey Asbury on December 5, 2006 at 7:52 am

    Brian,

    LOL #3. I’m picturing you giving your kid a $20 Walmart giftcard and saying, “I better not find you on the liquor aisle!”

    Reply

  4. Great post Brian!
    Can I print that and hand that out? I think a lot of people here will enjoy it.

    Reply

  5. Have at it, Joe. It’s all free stuff here!

    Thanks for your comments. I wanted to make you smile but still think a little too. I hope everyone has a great holiday season!

    Reply

  6. Posted by Lyn Marshall on December 5, 2006 at 10:29 pm

    Awww, Pastor McCrorie, when you’re so nice, it makes me feel bad for my teasing! I was hoping to make “you” smile (or laugh out loud!)! 🙂

    Reply

  7. Okay, I was believing this article until I read #8 about you being a serious-minded guy… I’ve known you since second grade, and now I KNOW this article belongs in the “HUMOR” category! :0)

    We miss you guys so much! Hope your Christmas is a good one!!!!!!!

    Reply

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