Men Just Can’t Listen Like Women!

communication.jpgHey, listen up. Here’s some important information. Researchers have discovered that men and women listen differently. Women listen with both sides of their brains, while men listen with just the right sides of their toes.

Well, not exactly. But the results would be the same. Men listen with mostly the left sides of their brains, according to a study by Dr. Joseph T. Lurito of Indiana University School of Medicine.

A female friend tried to tell me about this study a few weeks ago.

Friend: "Did you hear about the new study that shows that men and women listen differently?"

Me: "Huh? Did you say something? I saw your lips moving. You should know better than to speak to me while I’m concentrating on something important, like football."

Friend (shouting): "I said that men and women listen differently. We use both sides of our brains, you use just your left sides."

Me: "Hey, your lips were moving again. Do you have some kind of twitch? You had better get it checked out."

Friend (screaming): "I don’t have a twitch, you idiot. I said that men and women are different. We have a full brain and you apparently have only half a brain. Just ask Dr. Lurito."

Me: "A burrito? Yes, I would like a burrito. I’m really hungry."

In the study, researchers measured the brain activity of 20 men and 20 women while the participants listened to taped excerpts from John Grisham’s novel "The Partner." The men used only the left side of their brains and were apparently thinking of just one thing: "I hope they aren’t going to test me on this." The women used both sides of their brains and were apparently thinking of two things: "What a thrilling novel" and "John Grisham is cute. I wonder if he’s single."

The study provides a good excuse for men:

Wife: "I thought I told you to stop the car and ask for directions. You keep driving in circles. Why aren’t you listening to me?"

Husband: "I’m sorry, honey, but I can listen with only half my brain. Since you’ve been speaking into my right ear, your words keep fading before they reach the left side of my brain."

Lurito says the study doesn’t necessarily mean that women are better listeners than men. Listening could in fact be harder for them. That’s why they need to use both sides of their brains. But through personal experience, I know that women are definitely better listeners. For example, here’s a telephone conversation between a female friend (let's call her Sandra) and I:

Sandra: "Hi Brian. How are you?"

Me: "Great! Never felt better."

Sandra: "Are you sure? You don’t sound too good. Your tone of voice is one tenth of an octave lower than usual. And your words are coming out three percent slower. Something is obviously bothering you. Would you like to talk about it? I'm willing to listen until Christmas."

Now here’s a conversation with a male friend (let's call him Ramesh):

Ramesh: "Hi Brian. How are you?"

Me: "OK, I guess, considering everything that’s happened to me."

Ramesh: "Great! Did you catch the basketball game last night? It was a thriller."

Me: "No, I was too busy picking up the pieces of my shattered life."

Ramesh: "Man, you missed a great game. The Lakers were awesome. Kobe was on fire. I told you to watch the game. Why don't you ever listen?"


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Collin on May 27, 2009 at 10:49 pm

    Hilarious. Well done.


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